Caleb, I can’t even fathom being a husband, loving a wife who is bringing in new life and is now watching it being taken away.
You are a brother, and a husband, and though you don’t know it yet, you are a dad, too.
and Caleb, “you need to get better, because you need to be a dad.” Your son needs to grow up knowing his father wasn’t ready to go, and he overcame the very worst, because he knew what was to come would be the very best.
And somehow, in a crowded bar, where everyone is yelling about a game and strikes and stats, I’m back here again…asking Jesus, I’m feeling small.
I’m here feeling like I would go, so you could stay because you’ve got a wife and a boy who need you, and all I’ve got are things about me.
I’m here remembering God doesn’t always work the way I want Him to. I’m here remembering all these questions knowing we have no control of when we go, just what we do while we get to stay.
Because sometimes, we’re alive and it’s like we’ve gone already. Sometimes, we live life like we are small, but we’re not small. And I think you know that living life that way would be a waste of it, and I want to know that too.
As I’m back here again, hearing from Jesus, somehow I’m feeling a little more than small.
Because I am here, and at least for today…I get to stay.
And though all of these questions may not have answers…I can control some things. I control my steps and my words and my hands to live my life for more than just me. I can live my life…tall.
And I hope you know that no matter what happens in the coming days, to everyone you know, and to me, your life was lived much more than small. You remind me that there’s purpose in this pain after all.