Dear Women,

It’s become increasingly apparent to me that the dream is alive for you to find the perfect guy. He will be kind, loving, caring, classy, protective, calm, edgy, smooth, debonair, and all of the other positive adjectives used in the magazines. I’m not trying to be sarcastic, or make you feel like you shouldn’t hold out for someone amazing- but as I hear story after story of how big of a jerk _____ is, I have to wonder if something so amazing is even out there. 

I’ve heard recently that I’m a ‘good guy’ and my immediate response is always the #MichaelCerainJuno, ‘well, I try really hard actually.’ I do try really hard, yet I still make mistakes, hurt people, hurt myself, and end some days feeling ashamed.

I’ve watched every single episode of the Office and even at his lowest point, I don’t think I could ever be Jim Halpert.

I’ve seen quite a few of his movies, and I know that even a year of training and nothing else, I still wouldn’t look like Ryan Gosling. 

I’ve made some people laugh before, but I’ll never have the wit or charm of Seth Cohen.

It’s been on my mind quite a bit lately, and it has nothing to do with actually appealing to anyone specifically, yet it has everything to do with my own self-image. Yet, when I’ve interacted with some of you I still feel inclined to raise the bar of what a real man can and should be. 

I want to be remembered because I said you look lovely, not because I made you uncomfortable. I want to be recounted as kind and caring, not recalled for spite. I want to be admired for my intelligence, not despised for a loose tongue. I want to be known as chivalrous and loyal, not forgotten as ‘just another.’ I want to raise the bar. 

In this season of life, I am learning how to dance, metaphorically that is. I’ve decided that every relationship (romantic or platonic) I have with someone is like a ballroom. Our hearts together become a waltz and if I’ve learned to lead gracefully, we’ll go spinning around the room. If I lead correctly, every new song or step will build you up & if the time comes where life cuts in you’ll be stronger and better prepared for the next time someone asks you, “may I have this dance?” 

In the past, I’ve learned that I suck at dancing. In the past, I have failed you and I would hide away forever to avoid the scorn I deserve. Only a handful of women have ever been given the care that they should have received from me. I don’t know another way to say I’m ‘I’m sorry,’ or to do the natural guy response and ‘fix it.’ However, I’m trying really hard now, and in my effort, I do have one small request.

Live like a woman who deserves the love of the ‘good guy’ you are looking for.

Being a ‘good guy’ is something that takes significant effort. That’s not a cop-out statement. I’m just not wired like you. I think before I feel, and sometimes I don’t even think at all. Yet, this is my aim… I will try really hard to lead, and you, whether guided or on your own cues…be lovely, be strong, be passionate, love yourself as you wish to be loved by someone else. 

Sincerely,
Me.