Some time ago I decided to start writing again and actually built up the courage to post it publicly. The first piece that I wrote was penned as a response to hearing that chivalry had died. I wrote it hopefully, to inspire the women in my life to not give up on finding a good guy, and to continue to act as though they deserve one. Since then, I’ve seen it happen, and I’m not writing to give myself the praise for it, but I hope what I wrote made a difference, even just once.
Recently, something else has had the same presence in my day to day life, and frankly, I’m just sick of it.
Hanging Out (via UrbanDictionary)
A man’s way of identifying his lack of committment and/or financial stability with regards to women in general, or to a specific woman in particular. A glaring clue to a serious-minded, one-man-woman to run for the hills.
A man calls you up on a Friday night and says, “Wanna hang out sometime this weekend?”
A man says to you, “Ya know? I really like hanging out with you…”
Gentleman, this “hanging out” crap has got to stop.
I’ve written before about the importance of communication, and this is no exception. A dozen mentions to me of this phenomenon in the past few weeks just make me wonder- at what point did this become acceptable again? Maybe it never went away, but it’s clear that it’s happening, over and over.
The plague of ‘hanging out’ likely originates around the time that chivalry got a life-threatening disease, and friends with benefits hit puberty. At the core of the concept, is ambiguous. It’s not committal, it’s not intentional, it’s not clear, and it’s definitely not fair. I’m not going to say that girls shouldn’t ask out guys, because I recognize that some people operate differently than how I do, but regardless of your gender and roles, if you want to date someone, ask them on a date. Not only is hanging out unfair, frankly, you end up at a disadvantage because a normal assumption is that whatever it is you’re doing isn’t as important as a real date would be.
If you’re asked to ‘hang out,’ and it’s clearly functioning like a date…call the person out. You deserve to be asked out directly, you deserved to be pursued, you deserve to feel wanted. There is nothing more attractive to me than a woman who respects herself.
So, to recap- if you’re trying to ‘hang out’…just knock it off, especially if you’re one of my friends, you know better.