24…I was 24 just a month ago. 24 years of experiences, moments, days of feeling alive, and nights of feeling empty.
I’ve lost touch before, my heart and mind have gone places that are so dark I know the only thing that pulled me back out of it was You. It’s 6:30 in the morning and I’m laying here scrolling, reading, and doing anything and everything to remember that You are sovereign and good, but God, I have questions.
Because I lived in the dark before, but You pursued me…and You never left me, and You adopted me. And I can’t help but ask, why me?
Why me, and not James?
Why didn’t someone call him? Why didn’t anyone just ask him what he loved? Why are there so many people that had to go? Why didn’t he have a roommate pray for him, or a best friend to listen? I know You are sovereign and I know You are good but I know You pursue me…I want to know…why not James?
Maybe, You did…and maybe he believed that every time You met that it was someone else. Maybe, he never understood how to hear You through all the noise, maybe he felt the same pain as me and just never had someone show him how to help it.
I know I sound unfaithful again, but I guess I just don’t see the purpose. All of this pain just feels pointless.